Notions

Notions, are a concept uniquely found in Ireland which loosely translate to delusions of grandeur, but probably more accurately delusions of middle class. Not to be confused with the shop Notionz, though allegedly they do sell Newbridge Silverware, which is enjoyed by Memmehs From Across The Road all over Ireland.

Aisling is utterly obsessed with the concept of notions ever since she first became aware of them. She sees The FATRs as being the anthropomorphic personification of NOTIONS. She sees it in everything they do and sometimes becomes a little too locked on and takes photographs of "notiony food" to show Majella because she thinks that of COURSE The FATRs enjoy things like that, such as Prosecco crisps. NFATR is completely and utterly oblivious to notions in herself and in other people.

Examples of Notions

 * 1) Having a cleaner.
 * 2) Sending food back in a restaurant.
 * 3) Not inviting everyone from BGB to your wedding.
 * 4) Gluten-free when you're not a coeliac.
 * 5) Drinking any kind of tea other than Barrys or Lyons, or drinking either of the two of them black.
 * 6) Use of a tumble driers when there's OBVIOUSLY good drying outside.
 * 7) Shopping in Marks & Spencer's or Avoca for anything.
 * 8) Holidaying anywhere that's not Grand Canaria.
 * 9) Serving food without plates, but especially serving food on wooden boards.
 * 10) Buying a new car more regularly than once every X number of years, where X is more than one year sooner than the person calling notions.

Things Aisling Considers Notions
1. Going to Trinity

2. Mowing the lawn on a Sunday

3. Any English sounding surname such as Johnson, Wallace, Young

4. Rugby

5. Having a postbox with your English sounding surname on it

6. Beef Wellington

7. Excessive baking

8. Old ladies who don't wear scarves on their heads when they leave the house

9. Everyone who voted for David Norris

10. Being a bank manager

11. Having a lot of family in England or having lived in England for any period of greater than 1 year, unless you're her relation

12. Biscotti

13. Needlework

14. Watching the Northern Irish news (Ulster Aisling)

15. Living in sin

16. Solicitors

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">17. Only having one child

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">18. Private School

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">19. Macaroons, the biscuit cake thing not the chocolate bar

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">20. Afternoon tea

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">21. Being concerned with the Royal Family in any way outside of the Royal Wedding. Not to include Mrs. Asho's love of Lady Di or Granny Asho's love of the Queen Mother

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">22. Referring to the above as Princess Diana or the Queen Mum

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">23. Calling your mammy 'mum'

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">24. Pints of bitter

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">25. Having a harpist at your wedding

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">26. Coffee

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">27. Any kind of herbal tea (possibly excluding chamomile, but including Earl Grey)

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">28. Having a private gym membership

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">29. Being from within the Pale

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">30. Choosing wine by its label and origins rather than solely by price

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">31. Having a double-barrelled second name

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">32. Going to the doctor for a regular check-up rather than because you actually have something wrong, like your arm falling off

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">33. Salads that don't consist solely of lettuce, tomato and onion

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">34. Going to farmers' markets

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">35. Caring about animal rights or where any of your food comes from

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">36. Using liquid fabric detergent

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">37. Using fabric softener

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">38. Saying "Candy" instead of "Sweets" or "Milsean"

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">39. Hairspray

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">40. Watching "Greys Anatomy"

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">41. Listening to any kind of music with a Synth line.

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">42. Reading The Sunday Times.

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">43. Dogs that can't be used for herding, such as Chihuahuas, Jack Russells are okay because they're lively

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">44. Craig Doyle

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">45. Chintz

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">46. Those shirts where the collar and cuffs contrast with the rest of the shirt

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">47. Having more than one set of cufflinks

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">48. Collections, such as collecting stamps or thimbles

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">49. Yoga

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">50. Pilates

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">51. Yogalates

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">52. Neckscarves

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">53. Pinstripes

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">54. Hiking, as opposed to going for a walk

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">55. Dressing up your dog

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">56. Crufts

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">57. Tweed

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">58. Fancy cheese folk

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">59. Owning a cat that lives indoors and whose sole purpose isn't to rid the yard of rodents

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">60. Watching David Attenborough and/or The Antiques Roadshow and/or BBC Jane Austen adaptations

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">61. Science degrees

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">62. PhDs

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">63. Those folk that serve olives with their cheese. Olives... the protestant grape.

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">64. Recorders

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">65. "Spirituality"

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">66. Fountain pens

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">67. People who don't like Ballymaloe Relish

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">68. Terry's chocolate.

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">69. People who DO like Ballymaloe Relish.

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">70. Forgetting your 'bag for life' but not trying to carry all your 'messages' on your body like some kind of human Buckaroo and *gasp...buying a plastic bag

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">71. Doing any course where the eventual job isn't obvious from the title like engineering, nursing, teaching

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">72. Poetry

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">73. Being related, even very distantly, to any member of the judiciary, past or present

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">74. All academics

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">75. The name Nigel

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">76. Muesli

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">77. First names that aren't either Irish, from the Bible or easily made into a shorter version ending with 'y'

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">78. Mothers who insist their children only be addressed by their full name and, by extension, their children

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">79. People who wait until after the Christmas dinner to open their presents

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">80. Calling presents gifts

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">81. UHT milk

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">82. Going "up North" for cheaper shopping and so not supporting the local community

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">83. The Property Tax, and water charges

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">84. Marks and Spencers

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">85. Hummous

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">86. Men who wear scarves

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">87. Quality Street

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">88. Ruth Scott

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">89. Yogalates

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">90. Donald Trump

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">91. The Labour Party

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">92. The Gate Theatre

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">93. Martina Brooks/Nina Spellmeyer

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">94. Calling Santy "Father Christmas"

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">95. Quorn/Quinoa/Quail any food beginning with Q - particularly QU

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">96. Crowdfunding

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">97. A violin (its just a Protestant fiddle)

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">98. Any kind of cheese that's not cheddar or plastic eighties slices

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">99. Capers

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">100. Non-dairy milk (rice, almond, coconut, oat, soya)

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">101. Nut Butter

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">102. A well maintained grandfather clock that ticks very loudly

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">103. Green Salt & Vinegar Crisps/Blue Cheese and Onion

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">104. Paying for Water

<span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small;font-weight:normal;line-height:normal;">105. Landing pages

Examples of things that are not Notions, Aisling
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